Is your child clinging to you when it’s time for daycare drop-off? Or perhaps they burst into tears at the thought of being away from you? You’re not alone. Separation anxiety is a common phenomenon for children between the ages of 6 months and 3 years. During this period, children start developing a sense of attachment and awareness of their surroundings, experiencing fear of being left alone by their parents. For both parents and children, it can be an extremely challenging phase to navigate, even though it is a natural part of a child’s growth.
In this blog, we’ll guide you through understanding separation anxiety and offer practical strategies, such as gradually increasing separation time and creating a schedule, from Mulberry House and Smarter Parenting to help your children feel secure and confident when apart.
What Is Separation Anxiety?
Separation anxiety is a natural developmental phase where children experience distress when separated from their primary caregivers. It stems from the deep bond children form with their parents or guardians, a bond that provides them with a sense of safety and security. When this bond is momentarily disrupted, it can trigger fears of abandonment or unease in unfamiliar situations.
Children with separation anxiety may display a variety of symptoms, including excessive crying, clinginess, difficulty sleeping alone, or physical complaints like stomachaches when anticipating separation.
Differences Between a Normal Developmental Phase and Potential Underlying Anxieties
It is typical for children in a normal developmental phase to experience a mild level of separation anxiety. However, if the symptoms persist, these may be signs of more severe issues.
While behaviors, such as crying, clinging and showing signs of distress, are predictable when a parent is leaving, they should naturally resolve shortly afterward. These behaviors simply reflect the children’s awareness of dependence on caregivers and natural fear of unfamiliar situations.
In contrast, potential underlying anxieties often manifest as more intense, prolonged, or disruptive behaviors. Children might exhibit extreme distress that persists long after the separation, avoid settings that require them to be apart from their caregivers, or experience physical symptoms like headaches or stomachaches. These signs may also occur in situations unrelated to separation, pointing to generalized anxiety or another emotional challenge.
If you notice your child’s distress escalating or interfering with their daily activities, it may be time to seek guidance from a professional. Therapists, counselors, or pediatricians can provide valuable insights and tools to help manage anxiety while supporting your child’s emotional development.
Building Confidence and Security to Manage Separation Anxiety in Children
Establishing a strong and secure attachment can help ease your child’s anxiety during separation. A solid foundation of trust and love can provide a sense of security and confidence, reassuring them that they are safe.
According to Mulberry House, one of the ways to help your child feel more secure and confident in the beginning is gradually increasing separation time, particularly when they first start going to school or playgroup. Either let them bring a photograph of you or give them a shorter time for hugging, kissing, or goodbye. Incorporating these as daily routines will get them more used to these separations. It is also suggested that you should tell your children about your estimated time of return. Reinforce your child’s confidence by consistently returning as promised, which helps them trust that you’ll always come back.
Communicate and Reassure Your Children
Open communication is crucial in helping children manage their feelings about separation. Encourage your child to express their emotions, even if they’re too young for complex conversations. For toddlers, you might say, “I see you’re feeling sad about me leaving, but I’ll be back after snack time!” This acknowledgment validates their emotions while reassuring them.
Using positive language during goodbyes is also essential. Instead of sneaking away, which can create mistrust, communicate clearly and confidently about your return. Phrases like “I’ll see you after your nap” offer reassurance and set a concrete expectation for when you’ll be back.
For younger children, a transition object can work wonders. Items like a favorite stuffed animal or a comforting blanket can provide a sense of security during times of separation. These objects act as a tangible reminder of home and help children feel connected to their caregivers, even when apart.
Additional Strategies and Support for Separation Anxiety Management
Sometimes, preparation is the best remedy for separation anxiety. It is always best to “practice” with your children to have them ready for separation. Role-playing scenarios can help children get used to being away from you in a low-pressure environment. Pretend to “drop them off” at daycare or a friend’s house and then “return” after a few minutes. This playful approach allows children to rehearse the separation process in a safe, familiar setting.
Smarter Parenting suggests that you prepare visual tools, such as calendars or schedules, so that your children can anticipate the separations mentally. Marking the days or hours until a reunion helps children visualize the passage of time, making the experiences feel less daunting. However, it is important to avoid telling them too early about the separations, as it will increase their anxiety.
Finally, remember to stay calm and positive throughout the separation process. Children are highly perceptive and often mirror the emotions of their caregivers. If you appear anxious or hesitant, they’re more likely to feel insecure. Instead, maintain a confident demeanor and remind them of all the exciting activities they’ll enjoy while you’re apart.
Conclusion
Dealing with separation anxiety should not be overwhelming. Learn its symptoms and implement various coping strategies mentioned above, like gradual separations and open communication. Turn these methods into daily routines for your children. You can then build up your children’s confidence and sense of security, which is needed to thrive during times of separation.
As a parent, remember that you’re not alone in this journey. Take the first step today! Help your child develop the confidence and security they need to face separations with courage and ease.
